Someone Else's Mom

my mom died on Sunday, early in the a.m., at a nursing home, by herself. I feel sad that she died, relieved that she finally died, and the only upset that is visiting me is that other people knew a different lady than I did. I left the "ole family homestead" close to 40 years ago because it wasn't a happy childhood, I was miserable, hated being there, etc. etc. Always thought that it was my dad that made me so unhappy and insecure but after he died some time ago, I realized that my mother had just as much to do with making my life "something to escape from". tried over the years to maintain a relationship but I just gave up about 3 years ago. It was then that I realized the effort was all on my part and pretty much had always been my effort and none from her to keep close to her daughter. Now reading what people have written on Facebook about her dying, it seems my neices had a much closer relationship with her and even seemed to genuinely like her and respect and admire her. Why wasn't I given the same treatment and love and caring? who knows and we'll never find out either. ah well. It has taught me to be totally different with my daughter and I worry constantly that someday we'll drift apart and not have a good relationship ship so for that, I do thank my mom that she showed me what NOT to do in a family relationship. This will probably be the end of any relationship with my family because it seems my sister is taking over in her footsteps and I'm sure her daughters will be the same. it is too much work and energy to always be the one reaching out. I will continue to do that through emails and facebook but this family's era has ended. R.I.P.